JESSE MEADE’S CRAFT CORNER OF SORROW

Over the last decade I’ve had about four occasions when I’ve had a pair of pants which needed to be hemmed. So, a month and a half ago I decided that a sewing machine was an absolutely necessary purchase. I chose the top seller on Amazon: the “Sew Advance, Sew Affordable” Brother XL2600i.
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After about a week had passed and I had hemmed all the pants in sight, I began to feel that I needed a more serious project to justify owning such an elegant and versatile machine. I happened to turn my gaze on the new Behringer Eurolive 1320D floor monitor that I had recently purchased and, in a moment that I would soon regret, decided that I both could, and should, make a carrying case for it.H76512000000000-00-500x500
What would follow would be a month of some of the most unpleasant, unfulfilling, and frustrating work that I’ve ever
voluntarily subjected myself to. The first problem I had, and one which I still have, is that I don’t know how to sew. The machine itself isn’t difficult to figure out but, unfortunately, there’s a lot more to sewing than just the machine. My second problem was that even if I had known how to sew, I didn’t know how to make a floor monitor case. So, I went to the internet for answers. Surely, someone out there had already attempted to make one of these themselves, and there would be a detailed, comprehensive set of instructions for me to follow. No dice. Outraged by this glaring lack of available information, I decided that not only would I design and build a case, I would also document the process and share it, so that others might learn from my experience. Pretty great, right? I’m incredibly thoughtful. It’s a curse really.

After weeks of research, fabric sampling, and deep thought I had all the components in place and I began work. About two days in, I gave up on documenting anything and swore that I would never attempt an undertaking of this scale again. Instead of a detailed, comprehensive set of instructions, here are simply some random photos I managed to take, interspersed with some of my own, personal sewing tips:

Tip #1: Measure twice, cut once isn’t good enough. Measure 15 or 20 times, cut once, fuck up, cut again, measure again, cut again, repeat.
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Tip #2: Foam Laminated Ballistic Nylon is a fun fabric to work with if you enjoy crying and cursing God.
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Tip #3: Mitered inside corners. Just don’t bother. If your project has inside corners that need to be covered, just use duct tape, or make something else.
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Tip #4 (not pictured): Try forgetting to lower the presser foot on the machine about a thousand times during the course of your project. It causes an incredible mess and brings all forward progress to an absolute halt.
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There you have it. I’m sure I’ve given you enough to piece the process together by yourself. 
So, what have we learned from all of this? Don’t do anything yourself that you can afford to pay someone who has the proper training and equipment to do for you. No matter what it is. What are you doing right now? Are you cooking? Stop. You know that casserole is going to taste like shit. Throw it out and go to a restaurant. They have all the stuff there to make it right. It’s a great system. What are you doing with that guitar? Are you trying to entertain yourself? Give it up. You know you suck at guitar. Come pay me to entertain you. I have all the necessary skills and equipment, including this goddamned monitor case. 
December, 2015
Tue, 12/1, 9:30pm 5th Street Cornucopia w/ Rachel Hoffman Eugene, OR map n/c
Thus, 12/3, 6:00pm The Brewstation Cottage Grove, OR map n/c
Fri, 12/4, 5:30pm J. Scott Cellars Eugene, OR map n/c
Tue, 12/8, 9:30pm Jesse Meade’s 3rd Night of Chanukah Extravaganza
w/ Todd Mathis at 5th Street Cornucopia
Eugene, OR map n/c
Fri, 12/11, 8:00pm First National Taphouse Eugene, OR map n/c
Sun, 12/13, 5:00pm Hop Valley Tasting Room Eugene, OR map n/c
Tue, 12/15, 9:30pm 5th Street Cornucopia w/ Amblin Eugene, OR map n/c
Fri, 12/18, 6:30pm Sweet Cheeks Winery Eugene, OR map n/c
Tue, 12/22, 9:30pm 5th Street Cornucopia w/ Brandon Olszewski Eugene, OR map n/c
Sat, 12/25, 10:00pm Jesse Meade’s Christmas Spectacular
at Luckey’s Club Cigar Store
Eugene, OR map n/c
Sun, 12/27, 5:00pm Zach’s Bistro Newport, OR map n/c
Tue, 12/29, 9:30pm 5th Street Cornucopia w/ Girin Guha Eugene, OR map n/c
Thu, 12/31, 10:00pm Leading the crowd in “Auld Lang Syne” at mignight
at Luckey’s Club Cigar Store
Eugene, OR map $5
In memory of Allen Toussaint (1938-2015):
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Next month I’ll show you the process for making guitar strings at home; starting with the mining of the raw metals right in your own backyard!
 
 
Keep your seams straight,
 
Jesse Meade
CEO/Guy who wonders if members of male sewing unions refer to themselves as ‘Seamster Teamsters’
Meadeworld Entertainment International

One response to “JESSE MEADE’S CRAFT CORNER OF SORROW”

  1. Ha-ha-ha! Your misery is my entertainment! That was hilarious. Your case looks great, though!

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